Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Rant for Ramen (12 days of Christmas) Comedy Event: December 15

November 24, 2011 Leave a comment

From the Facebook event:

Rant for Ramen (12 days of Christmas) Event

As part of RMT’s 12 days of Christmas, Stand up Seoul will be hosting another long awaited RANT NIGHT.

rant: Verb: -to utter in a bombastic declamatory fashion

It’s simple. You choose your topic(s), and you get 5 minutes to essentially rant and rave and wow the audience with your karaizzy elocution skills. Basically, it’s bitching in a funny, interesting way.

5,000 won to get on the mic. (first come first serve, no more than 12) Anyone can participate!!! You don’t have to be a Stand up Seoul comedian. Winner gets the pot and a pile of delicious Ramen. 5 minutes each. Audience applause chooses the winner.

It’s awesome.
It’s hilarious.
It’s therapeutic.

See you there. Invite your friends on FB.

**This event is NOT in lue of Stand up Seoul’s montlhly open mic show. Stand up Seoul’s monthly will be on Dec 1st. But you should definitely go to both.


Random Dan: It will be the first 12 to sign up to get on stage.  I’m really hoping to do this.  Got plenty of stuff to rant about!  Should be a great night!  Everyone feels better after a good ranting!

Categories: Check-It-Out, Internet, Korea, Rant

The Ultimate Expat in Korea

October 7, 2011 Leave a comment

You need to be able to check off these three criteria in order to be considered a perfect expat in Korea:

1.  Write a blog.  Be sure to include ‘Seoul’ in the title…but use it in place of SOUL or SOLDIER.  Or use ‘Kimchi.’  This will show how clever you are.  Then write about your daily experiences like how the bus was very packed or the Korean people stare at you because you aren’t Korean.  Also write like you are the first person to ever experience these things.

Obviously I am one of these assholes that has a blog but this is just the first step in becoming that ultimate expat asshole.

2.  Get an expensive camera.  With this camera be sure to take pictures of trees and bushes.  Also take a picture of EVERY meal you eat here.  Then you can consider yourself a culinary expert because you took a photo of a plate with rice and meat on it.  Also remember to take many pictures of the same looking temples over and over again.

So now you have a ‘IgotSeoul’ blog and an expensive camera.  You are almost there to becoming the ultimate expat.  Now, the final piece to the puzzle….

3. Get an acoustic guitar.  Some Korean girl told you that you look like John Mayer, so what do you do?  You get an acoustic guitar.  Now you can carry it around in a backpack while you take pictures of Korean trees.  After you’re finished with the pictures, you can upload them to your blog.

YES!  You’ve done it.  You are the ultimate expat in Korea.   Now kill yourself.

***I would like to add that there are plenty of blogs by people in Korea that are actually pretty sweet.  Check out the blogroll on my homepage for the some blogs I enjoy.***

I’m Going to Japan!

July 27, 2011 Leave a comment

I Googled: “read Japanese fast” because I’m going to Japan next week.
One link says “Try our 21 day trial of Read Japanese Fast.”

Not sure what their idea of ‘fast’ is…

Categories: Google, Internet, Japan, Rant, Travel

Gangsta’ English Teachers

July 15, 2011 4 comments

One thing I love about teaching in Korea:

Plenty of dudes over here love to dress, walk, and talk like they’re gangstas.  You know, tilted old school hat and some kind of random accessory just in case you didn’t know they were tryin’ to be ‘hood.’  Trust me, living in Florida most of my life, these guys are a dime a dozen, but at least some of them in FLA were sort of really living that life.

All these gangstas over here are ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHERS!

Serious, how NOT gangster are you if you are:

A.  a teacher (gangstas hate authority figures, especially teachers.  you ain’t cool if you’re learning in school.  your homies will make fun of ya.)

B.  a teacher teaching ENGLISH (gangstas are all about slang and improper English.

C.  Seriously, does there need to be more than an A and B?

It’s fucking ridiculous.  I’m guessing a conversation might go like this:

Gangster Teacher A: Yeah, what up dah (that’s short for dog)?
Gangster Teacher B: Nothin’ man, u partyin’ tonight?
GTA: Oh fo sho!  I’ll meet u at da spot.  Runnin a little late!
GTB: Y that?
GTA:  I gotta’ finish fillin ot dem report cards for my chillren.  Dem’s due tumarra.
GTB: Aww, fuk dat mane.  Sheeeet.

You know, something like that.  I know what you gangster teachers reading this are saying to yourselves right now “hater’s gonna’ hate” and I can appreciate that.  Play on playa!

Categories: Culture, Education, Korea, Rant

Why the Terrorists Hate Us

July 14, 2011 Leave a comment

Sometimes people ask “why do the terrorists hate us?”  Is it because of our support for Israel?  Or maybe our drone bombings that cause a civilian casualty here and there?  No.  That may be what you have been led to believe…but the real reason the terrorists hate us is MTV, girls in scantily clad beach attire…

…Las Vegas, buffet lines, and the fact that we are able to give equal rights to women (more than they deserve if you ask me).  I’m joking (mostly).

Indeed, these aren’t the only reasons.  Us westerners do a lot of consuming.  WAY more than others in the world.

Not only do we have so much more than most people – we probably complain more than anybody else.  This website called ‘WhiteWhine’ is a great example:

Some Reasons Why The Terrorists Hate Us

Try to imagine a poor guy, riding his donkey to find water and having some of these ‘problems’ and ‘complaints’ read to him.  Good stuff.

But I’m not complaining either way.  Let’s face it, no matter what we do, terrorists will hate us.  If USA drops all support for Israel, if all USA citizens, military, etc. leave the holy lands of the Middle East, these people will still find shitty reasons to hate us.  I made sure to not include any images of the prophet in this post.

*I’d like to add extremists of ANY kind are a detriment to society.  This goes for all religious zealots, extreme health nuts, extreme sports fans, extreme followers of political parties, etc.  Moderation please.

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